Only took 2 1/2 years to come back...

I love reading old posts of mine, but I hate that they have reminded me that I haven't been here for 2 1/2 years! And I'm not into waiting until a New Year's resolution to get back into a good habit. My need for journaling has prompted me to revisit this old blog site, mostly because when there is so much going on in my head that I want to journal about, it helps me to type instead of write...simply because I can keep up a little more.

Over the last couple years, one child has turned into two, I started my own business that is relatively successful so far (we'll see), and my hair has been a variety of colors. Bobby and I just celebrated 8 years of marriage, which felt less like a celebration and more like a 'Wow! We've endured what?' I've watched a million wedding ceremonies, and also watched marriages fall apart. I've seen babies born, babies adopted, and babies grow up. My baby girl is now 4, my baby boy is now 1, and I'm...well...I'm 30. Yikes. It was a birthday I was actually looking forward to, hoping in a way to leave behind some of the stuff that came with my 20s. However, some of it followed me, some of it became worse, and those stubborn fine lines around my eyes got just a little more defined.

So I don't really know where I'm going with that other than to say that a lot of time has passed, and at the same time, it all feels like yesterday. But here I am again, hopefully to record more of my journey, more of my life, and most of all, more of my healing. This IS me.

Geen Fiangas

Annsley is now 19 months old, and boy, do I have a smart one on my hands! I love that she's into learning, but at the same time, nothing gets by her. And she locks everything in to that brain of hers. She knows her shapes, all her colors, her letters, numbers, and she's even counting. A couple days ago she counted to 14...well...let's see..."leven, telve, fowteen, fowteen, fowteen, fowteen!" I was impressed! And my favorite thing that she has said recently is "geen fianga," which is green triangle, or course.

I love that she is really into helping right now...she loves to help Daddy cook and help me fold laundry...oh yeah, she likes to "keen up" and I don't argue with that. I love that she also loves to share - her food, toys, anything - she'll hand it to you or other kids and not bat an eye. It may not seem important, but at the age when so many kids are shouting "MINE!" and hoarding things, she's very quick to give things away. I encourage it as much as possible, even if it means reluctantly eating a soggy goldfish when she puts it to my mouth, because she wants others to enjoy what she's enjoying.

She's got quite the personality, and sometimes I just watch in awe and with such a joy that it feels like my heart can't contain it. She snuggles and gives kisses and laughs when we're being silly. We dance, she spins and gets dizzy. It keeps getting more and more fun!

A Note to My Girl...

My Baby Girl,

Your Mommy's a little sappy after watching Nights in Rodanthe with your Daddy. (That Nicholas Sparks will get you every time!) I got to thinking a lot about you, and I want you to know that I'll always love you no matter what. More than anything I'd love to have the kind of relationship that always gets stronger through everything that we will inevitably face. Looking at your sweet little face in the picture frame above the tv, already you've changed so much since that day. I can't believe how fast you're growing up, and I know it'll seem like seconds and you'll be in school, then high school, then who knows where.

I really hope that you never hate me when you're a teenager. I hope you'll always feel that you can confide in me. I'll never tell your secrets, I promise. And you can cry any time you want. It's ok, believe me, I understand. You know, I dread the day that boy breaks your heart. But I've been there, so I promise to do the best I can to listen and love you through it.

I try so hard to take in every moment, every first, all the cute things that you're saying now. My favorite is when you ask "peez" and move your hands across your shoulders, trying to do the sign. It always makes me smile (and, of course, give you whatever you're asking for!), and I never, ever take that for granted, because I know that day will come when you'll pronounce every letter perfectly and you won't do the sign anymore. And then I'll miss these days, today, right now.

As cute as it is, it makes me sad when you see pictures of yourself just a few months ago and say "Bee-by." And I always have to say, "That's Annsley, and your Mommy's baby." When your baby girl calls out other babies in the store, you suddenly know that what you have is not a baby, but a little girl. But then again, as old as you'll become, you'll always be my baby.

I love you, baby. I'm such a lucky Mommy, and I hope that I'll always make you feel like a lucky little girl, even when you're not so little anymore. You're growing up right before my eyes, but even as I cry looking back on the past almost 17 months now, I know that we have so many more fun things to look forward to. (My goodness, can you imagine the basket case I'll be at your graduation, or worse, your wedding!)

I just wanted to tell you that and to remember what I'm feeling at this very moment. I love you, Annsley. I'll see you in the morning when you'll ask for your "O's," "boos" (blueberries are your fave) and "muck." Goodnight, sweet dreamies, Mommy loves you so much.

ZAP!!!

This is by far one of my favorite things to watch if I need a good laugh. I don't know about you, but I've never thought of Jesus as a "mounty" and I've never imagined Him "zapping" me!

A Few Fave Pasttimes

Wagon rides...being silly with her cousin Ava...playing in the sprinkler (yes, in Florida you can do that this time of year)...and, of course, shoe shopping (even if they're Daddy's)!!!

Nannies & Cook-Cooks

Nope, these aren't professions, these are Annsley's newest words! Bananas are "nannies" and cookies are "cook-cooks." Then there's "muck," which is milk, of course. And "peez" is please. I am surprised every day to have at least two new words come spilling out, and I have to say that it so much easier to be able to understand what she's asking for!

She loves to read books, and I love to watch her "read" to herself. It just confirms that she picks up EVERYTHING that I say and stores it away for that special day when she'll decide to blurt it out of nowhere.

She loves to play with other kids and is fascinated by older kids especially. I'm realizing more and more that I have a very independent kid on my hands. In many ways, it makes things easier - like leaving her in the nursery at church or with sitters - she's like "peace out, Mommy." But then there are those times when I just want to snuggle and she's just too "busy." There's always something that she's learning or doing, and she loves to figure out how things work. In those moments, I wish she had a little clinginess in her.

But it's ok, because I'm now officially "Mommy" - she says the word very clearly, she asks for me when I'm gone, and greets me with a smile when I come back. I love it. She's a very happy little girl, and I'm so thankful. She makes me laugh with all of her funny new faces and words. I can't believe that 16 months have flown by this fast!

A Year Gone By

So I've been cleaning up the house and still recovering from Annsley's 1st birthday party on Saturday. Whew! We had a ton of people here and what felt like a million kids!! It was so much fun, but I was definitely wiped out after the front door finally shut for the day.

As I've been putting together new toys, trying to find space for them!, and deflating sinking balloons, I've actually found myself getting a little sad. Maybe it's not sad, just sentimental. I mean, my baby is one. And technically, she's now a toddler, not a baby, but as they say, she'll always be MY baby. But I feel like she was just born yesterday. I can't believe it, but I really do believe I've done everything I could to preserve and enjoy every moment of this first year. I considered her party also a party for me and Bobby, celebrating our first year of parenthood. It's a big job, and I know we've just begun, but I feel very proud of our accomplishment.

I also realized at Annsley's one-year check-up this morning that this next year will probably be even more challenging, as we're heading into no bottles and disciplining. Yikes.

But as I sit here, I feel like this is a bittersweet moment. She's growing up so fast. And I can see already that I have a very independent child on my hands, which in so many ways is such a good thing, except in those moments when I just want to snuggle with her. In some ways I miss her being a brand new baby, and today was especially sentimental because this was the exact day last year that we brought her home from the hospital and experienced our first night at home with our new member of the family. But a bigger part of me really enjoys the age she is now, exploring everything around her, learning new words and finding her sense of humor :0)

I'm very much looking forward to what this next year will hold. I'm really excited to watch Annsley continue to grow, and everyday I love her more. I love watching Bobby fall more and more in love with his little girl, and I love his face when she squeals as he walks through the door. Our baby is one lucky little lady. I love you, Annsley. I'm so thankful for this love-packed year, and I'll never take for granted every day we get to watch you grow.