Drawing the Curtains

Yes, it may seem as though I dropped off the face of the earth lately, but I think maybe I've just been hiding out. Lately I've had this desire to be a little more secretive...not sure why...I guess I haven't liked the idea of my personal stuff floating all over cyber space. I cancelled my MySpace and Facebook accounts, maybe because I've been watching one too many morning talk shows about stolen identities...or maybe because every once in a while I don't want people to "watch" me.

I feel like Bobby is always in the spotlight and, therefore, so am I. Not that I'm trying to sound negative...it's just how our lives are. I have a weird dichotomy to my personality...I really love people, love being around new and different people, love working in customer service and sales, enjoy being out and about. But a lot of times I just like being invisible, lost in my own little world where I'm not a pastor's wife or the "hostess with the mostess" or even an "example" for people to model things after. I like being JUST a normal, everyday wife and a mom, tripping over laundry and flicking wet Cheerios off my feet. I like to be a kid who enjoys smelling pretty flowers outside, and I like sometimes feeling a little naughty while I'm reading cheesy romance novels. I like to play around with new shimmery eye shadow colors and getting excited about the new series of Tim Gunn's Guide to Style.

And yes, I guess I'm just a homebody, and while Bobby likes all the attention that is poured over him constantly, that's not what drives me. I'm the definition of an introvert, even though I never realized that until just a few years ago. I always gave the idea of being an introvert a negative glance, but I've realized that there's nothing wrong with me, just different in the ways that I get "fueled." And a lot of times my thoughts are processed simply in my mind, instead of over the internet. This blog was never meant for people to "look in" on my life and be impressed with how many "hits" I've gotten. No, this was meant for me, to download things in my life and stuff I'd like to remember.

So, if you're keeping up with my little blog for whatever reason, don't be disappointed if you haven't gotten a newsflash in a while or the latest picture. I'm probably somewhere with my baby, or reading, or doing laundry, or playing outside, somewhere that doesn't involve being glued to my laptop, you know, spending time with the things I love most. I like being a little private with myself and my family because so much of our lives are "looked in on." Not that I mind those parts either. I guess I'm just drawing a few curtains these days.

Moments in the Mountains...

So right now I'm looking at my dumb dog who, on our first night up here in the mountains, decides to fall down an entire flight of steep, wooden stairs. Yes, at 3 AM, as I'm trying to console a screaming baby, Rook heads down the steps in the pitch black, and I'll never forget the sound of an 85-pound idiot falling head over heels. So now he's sore all over and yelps every time he gets up, but I'm surprised he didn't break anything. He's like Chevy Chase, always doing the dumbest stuff, yet still surviving to do it all over tomorrow.

Anyway, Bobby and I are trying to relax. It's a rainy day today, the baby's sleeping, and Bobby and his dad are playing yet another riveting game of chess on the porch - look out, brilliant minds at work. When it's quiet up here, it's REALLY quiet...it's a nice change of pace for a little while. I'm trying to finish up my book for book club. I love having the opportunity to read more up here.

After Annsley gets up, we're headed to a winery...and then to the greatest thing since sliced bread - Wal-Mart! :0) It's the big deal around these parts! Ha ha! More to come...

So I finally have time...

Ok. I'm back in the blogging world :0) Between work and an almost 9-month-old, by the end of the day, I'm usually too exhausted to brush my teeth, let alone write a blog entry.

Anyway, I'm in the mountains now, relaxing, eating and walking - I also got a little reading in, which is quite an accomplishment, especially during the day! The trip up here went pretty well, probably better for Bobby because he was driving and in the front, away from poopie diapers and Rook's fish breath. But overall, I can't complain. We all made it.

It was such a treat to sleep in this morning. The grandparents took Annsley when she finally decided she was done sleeping at 5:30! Of course, that was after waking up forgetting where she was and screaming bloody murder. And then there was Rook's falling face first down the steps in the dark with the safety gate (I guess we'll have to change the name of that gate!). But she got to read a few good books with Grandma and take some walks around looking at all the pretty flowers, not to mention squeezing in a nap, all before Bobby and I got up around 9:30. Nice.

Ok, time for a pork roast dinner. Yum! And maybe later, some smores over the fire out back. We're making memories as I write. Looking forward to making more this week :0)

Sweet Dreams

I went to a friend's baby shower today, and we were asked to write down a little advice or note of encouragement for the mom-to-be. I realized that it was the first time that I could do that out of my own mommy experience. I told her to take in every moment, no matter how tired you are, and to take a ton of pictures - it goes by way too fast.

So tonight as I was putting my little angel to bed, I turned on her night-night music and got her all snuggled in her jammies, but instead of laying her right down in her bed, I held onto her just a little longer and rocked her in my arms. As I prayed over her with her little fuzzy head on my shoulder and her little face all nuzzled in my neck, I listened to the sweet, soft sounds of her sucking her paci...and I soaked up those moments into my memory. Then I kissed her and laid her down, and she made those sweet little sounds of contentment as she rolled on her side with her blanket, and her eyes began to close. There's nothing like that in the world.

Every night when I pray over her, I pray that God would surround her bed with angels to protect her, that she'd have sweet dreams and a peaceful sleep. Then I thank Him for giving me this precious little angel to love and protect.

I can't believe she's 8 months old already. It seems like she was just born! I love her so much. I can't begin to describe the joy.

Talents and Teething

So May kinda got away from me blogwise. I've been super tired lately - Annsley, work, new church things, managing our household, and a couple other changes in my life- it's gotten the best of me. But I'll try to get back on track.

I cannot believe that my baby girl is on the verge of crawling!! It's going by WAY too fast, and I'm not ready for her to be mobile yet. Naps have become interesting because now she can sit herself up in her crib and play with the wallpaper. She doesn't cry, but I'll go in there to check on her, thinking she's asleep, and there she is smiling at me :0) Stinker.

But it's fun, nonetheless. What's not so fun, however, is the teething. That's been challenging. We've been so spoiled with her sleeping through the night since 6 weeks! So now that she's up several times a night, that certainly isn't helping my tiredness.

There's so many new things that she's doing, everyday it seems like she's learning something and proudly displaying her talents. Clapping is the newest thing, and I can't get enough of it! Also, she's beginning to show her "love" for us. Daddy's favorite is when she lunges for him and grabs on. She also gives "kisses" by coming at our faces with a slobbery open mouth. We end up covered in drool, but I'll take it anyday :0) Those are the little things that make us forget the frustrating moments. And she just looks so darn cute with those teeny little teeth popping through on the bottom!

I feel like every month that goes by I'm more and more in love with her. It's amazing. And one of the greatest joys for me is seeing Bobby bond with her. Watching their relationship makes me melt, and I'm so thankful that she has such a great Daddy who loves her so much.

Baby Praise

My baby girl Annsley loves these 'Praise Baby' dvd's that another mom suggested to me. They're basically a bunch of clips of kids playing, flowers, and animals in the wild, all set to worship songs. We have a couple of them, and we're in love with them because what else can keep a 6-month-old's attention for 30 minutes straight? And it usually gives me just enough time to wash some bottles, unload the dishwasher or eat some breakfast.

But I try to also watch them with her sometimes, singing along with the songs and pointing out the names of everything. She's fascinated. Several weeks ago I was sitting there next to her as she sat mesmerized in her highchair watching her "movie," and she caught my attention. As I looked at her little face all lit up and smiling, I was so touched by her innocence, peacefulness and joy...and I thought, 'she's worshipping.' I just let that sink in as I watched her. Her joy brought me so much joy, and I imagined God smiling over her as He watched His perfect little creation praising Him in the way that only she knows how.

How God must find so much joy in our joy.

REST

Bobby and I are attending a conference these next few days in Orlando. It's a church planting conference, and there are about 3,000 people here from all over the country. It's kinda cool to imagine that many new churches all across the U.S., but at the same time, it's a little scary because the last thing this country needs is another church. Instead, we need people in love with God who are being the church in a way that others can't help but be drawn to Him. So I'm hoping that these are the ones filling our conference seats.

Because it's a church planting conference, I decided to sign up for the series of sessions geared toward church planting spouses. Upon entering my designated area today, I immediately began to make silent judgments. Upon the opening of the session, I thought "And this is why I hate women's events" and I prepared myself for the fluff.

However, God had something else in mind for me today. It appeared that by the end of the session, every word had been prepared for me. You see, the entire message was about REST. And if anything, my life lately has been nothing but UNrest. I'm still in the process of figuring out balance, and I've been spinning in circles trying to do it all because every thing in my life to me is as important as the next, so to put one aside for another seems impossible. Let's see, there's the baby, then there's the house, cleaning and laundry and fixing things and putting the toilet paper on the roll!, then there's work...and family...and trying to be a good friend...then there's, of course, the new church stuff, new people, launch team, core team...oh yeah, and then there's "quality time" with Bobby...and then I'm supposed to be in the mood for "lovin'." Then on top of all that, I'm supposed to take care of myself...exercise, eating well, making sure I'm drinking my 8 glasses of water a day! Then there are those things that I'd LIKE to do but are rarely squeezed in, like reading a book, working on my photo albums, or...I don't know...dreaming.

And in all of this, where does God fit in?? Lately I've actually gotten a little peeved at God because in all the hustle bustle, He still expects me to chip away some time for HIM. I know it's backward thinking, but that's how my unbalanced mind works sometimes.

But today I was gently reminded that all things are out of whack unless God is placed first. On the way to Orlando this morning I was telling Bobby that I feel like everyday I just go through the motions, that it's just the same things over and over. Today I was told that "unless the Lord builds a house, its builders labor over it in vain" (Psalm 127:1). The "house" I've been building is not the best that God has for me. I hang onto and "white-knuckle" so many things in my life because I just need to feel like I have some shred of control over something. What I realized today is that if there's something that God asks for and I tell Him 'NO' -- I've found my idol.

I don't know why I hold so tightly to things when God truly WANTS to carry my burdens and truly WANTS me to enjoy life. He never asks me to try to do everything, only to trust that He's got it covered. Relax. Take a breath. REST. And by the end of the session, I found that my preconceived judgments got washed away...because I had been crying through most of it.