Church!

I am constantly amazed by the people who make up what we have called Revolution for the last 2 and half years. For those who may think that our generation has nothing to offer or is nothing worth writing home about, I encourage them to meet the people that I am proud to call my friends, my family. I have never met a group who "get it" like they do...who are dreamers, fighters, givers. I am so humbled. And I don't think I even realized what I have until just recently.

Tonight was the last Revolution service officially. Emotions ran high as Bobby finished up what would be his last message taught here. As I looked around at all those people, I suddenly felt so undeserving of their love and kind words. Because there were many days when I didn't want to be in ministry, that I didn't support Bobby as much as I should have, that I was simply negative. There were many days that I just wanted to get away from "church" and be "normal" (whatever that means).

But once again God showed up for me when I didn't deserve Him. My heart has softened in the last month or so. It has been confirmed over and over that this new church is every bit my calling as it is Bobby's (thank you, Tim)...I was just a little slower in accepting this call. I've realized that it's ok to be the backstage crew, or the one who hands the cup of water to the runner. That it's not just ok, it's vital. Because without those people, someone else would miss their cues...or be really thirsty. I realized that I've missed out on doing my job to the fullest because I've spent a lot of time worrying or complaining or wishing I was someone else. But I know now that I'm exactly who I need to be. And I've realized that this isn't my only role, that I DO have so much more to offer. I've begun to see myself in a different light.

And all this has happened, of course because God's awesome, but also by way of other people's words and belief in me. It hit me just now that this is exactly who the church is supposed to be. So edifying and encouraging, so brave enough to speak the Truth, that we love each other on to become who each of us was called to be. To bring out the "God-flavors" in each other. For each and every one of us to embrace our strengths--and weaknesses--and be the best we can be. That's when we truly live. Imagine a whole group of people who live this out every day. Imagine a people truly living! Let's not miss out on what God has called us to do...to be. I'm certainly not going to miss out on any more.

Thank you, Revolution, for loving God by loving me. Thank you for being the church.

That Piece of Me

So Bobby and I are quickly approaching this new chapter in our lives. And as the plans for Element are continuing to roll out, some times I still feel like Bobby and I are not quite on the same page...Bobby's a much faster reader. But we're getting there.

While in Texas, I was told something that made complete sense to me, but something that I had never thought of before. I was looked straight in the eyes by someone who had known me a matter of days, and he reminded me of a part of myself that had somehow gotten lost over the years. He told me he got the "hunch" that I had a go-getter personality, that I was someone who went after a challenge instead of backing away. Therefore, the fact that someone like me was pulling back from this church plant didn't quite add up for him. And that hit me like a brick. Where had that part of me gone?

I have been trying for years to be the "manager" of our marriage and now family because I believed that if I don't do it, no one will, and things will simply fall apart. My role as realist, as opposed to my idealist husband, has somehow forced me to automatically put up walls any time a new "dream" is brought to the table. So far, something new for us has meant a new hardship in our marriage, another opportunity for me to feel left behind. Just when I think I'm handling life, something new is thrown in the mix, usually a new endeavor on Bobby's part, and I'm left scrambling to catch up. And I guess it may be because I've never really felt that these were MY dreams, whether that's Bobby's fault, or whether it's self-imposed.

So a big part of this new chapter is finding what part of all this is MY dream, my challenge, because in fact, it is. And then not putting up that familiar wall, but going for it. We'll be ready when we're ready. When I can muster up a little faith and run after all this, there will be no stopping me. I will be truly alive. It's a part of me I haven't seen in a while.

P.s. Don't hate the realists. We're not Debbie Downers. We just keep things in perspective :0)

Called By Default

This past week was quite an adventure. Bobby and I spent 6 days in Austin, Texas at a church planting conference. And boy, where do I begin?? First of all, leaving Annsley behind at my parents was the hardest thing I've done in a long time. So with those emotions already on the surface, we were about to face some other challenges upon our arrival in Texas...things that I will be downloading for quite a while (and as I have time to write it out).

I guess the thing that stands out in my mind the most was how much emphasis was placed on our marriage. Not just that a healthy marriage is important in ministry, but that it's absolutely necessary to be most effective. I saw in a different way just how much my heart matters, and what I bring to the table is vital. We had so much wise counsel from people who had never met me before this week, yet I felt like they knew exactly who I am...and who I had forgotten that I am.

I love Bobby so much, but since the beginning of our ministry life together, I have felt like I've been riding his coattails, never quite having what it takes to be his partner in this journey. Even though he's never deliberately made me feel that way, for years I have been exhausted trying to keep up. And by not keeping up (and eventually not wanting to), I had begun to feel like the less "spiritual" one. I learned from some incredible people this week that what I have to offer to Bobby, and therefore our ministry, is priceless, that what I had been believing about myself was a lie, and that it is, in fact, OUR ministry. I have been called by default :0)

There were many things that Bobby learned about the way he was looking at me and us. I think some things may have been a blow to his ego, but it was so very refreshing to have someone say to him what I feel like I've been screaming for years. Suddenly, there was a fresh perspective for him. He realized that he is not ready for this new adventure until we are BOTH ready, and we began to look at this church plant differently. More to come...