Working on Balance

So I decided that after six months of being with Annsley 24/7 that it might be good for me to go back to work part-time, just to get out of the house and have a little time for myself. I hadn't planned to go back, but it worked out with Bobby being able to watch her, and I thought that picking up a couple day shifts wouldn't be a big deal. But it turns out that it's taken a bit of adjusting on my part after all.

It's been a couple weeks, and things have been ok for the most part...no casualties, everyone's alive and well. The biggest tragedy is that Bobby took Annsley around town in a non-matching outfit with purple smoothie all down the front of her! Yes, he fed her his smoothie.

But this morning I really felt it...as I rushed to get to work on time, I left my baby in Bobby's arms, whining and looking to me for comfort. Bobby saw my face, but I choked back a tear, kissed her on the head, lied and said that everything was fine. I walked the incredibly long walk out of the house and shut the door behind me. And what followed behind was a whole day of guilt and self-doubt. Did I make the right decision? Am I damaging my child for life? Am I being selfish? I don't know.

I think what it comes down to is that I'm still figuring out balance. There are so many new things in my life lately, and it's a lot to process. There are so many things that I want for my family and myself, so much on my mind. And I don't see it getting any easier any time soon.

But I have to say that although I missed my baby so incredibly much, there was no greater feeling than seeing her again and having her look up at me and flash me that huge gummy smile :0) Oh, I love her so much.